Adieu Dear Mother

The only certain event in life is death. Rather a blunt and crude interpretation of existence – Isn’t. That which is born has got to go as and when the beckoning call comes from HIM.

My dear mother Smt. Thailambal was summoned to her heavenly abode in the wee hours of Sunday, the 31^st January 2016 after prolonged illness. The subpoena got served a little late but it is not subject to our whims, but solely rests on the dispatching authority perched in His headquarters up above the sky.

She lived a full, calm and contented life. She personified a traditional, devoted housewife and encompassed in herself all those noble qualities that go to eulogize motherhood.

Born as a darling child in a liberal Tamil Brahmin family, bereft of rigid orthodoxy, she got wedded into a contrasting family, where rituals and customs held ( still hold sway with shades of dilution having crept with passage of time ) and influx of modernity and its paraphernalia.

Amma was an embodiment of patience, reservoir of affection and accommodation, personification of kindness, devotion and dedication. She steered our family in a perfect, gentle manner with a suave nature and conduct. We have never seen her in an angry, morose mood nor heard her speak in raised decibels as they were not only anathema but also alien to her. She  never  sounded  a  different  opinion  or  raised  a  discordant note  ( rather not had / given the choice too )  on any matter with my father, what with the stringent environment that prevailed during yesteryears.  But she took everything with a smile, never felt hurt even for a while, but went an extra mile to keep all of us in perfect shape and style.

She was a great host – can be called an Annapoorani or Annalakshmi. She served food to hundreds in our house – ( transcending barriers,  treating  relatives, friends, well wishers et al ) alike, sweating it out in the old, smoky kitchen, without any trace of hesitation, irritation or exhibiting signs of tiredness.

Amma remained a pillar of strength and support to myself and siblings. As for my father it can be said that she stood by him like the rock of Gibraltar, in facing the vicissitudes and vagaries of life.  Indeed Thailambal belongs to the league of extraordinary women, despite having led an ordinary life. I bow before you ma.

You were never a cause of trouble to anyone but remained a token of strength all through.  Despite ill health plaguing, you traversed as long as you could with determination, and bore all bodily ills, pains with grit and resolve until the last breath.

Amma, I am sure your soul will rest in peace in heaven ( as that’s your rightful, eternal abode ) under the Almighty’s tender care and protective embrace.

You are gone now, and can never be seen again. That’s the harsh fact imposed by nature on all living beings, more to be felt and grieved by mortals. You will always be remembered and live forever in our hearts.  

Though I managed to remain composed while performing her last rites, tears welled up when the funeral pyre was lit.  Kavignar Kannadasan’s lyric in the all time favourite song "Ponal Pogattum Poda" - "போனால் போகட்டும் போடா", which poignantly narrates the travesty of human existence from birth to death  came to my mind,  that  goes as

“Elumbukkum Sadhaikkum Maruththuvam Kanden

Idharkoru Marundhai Kandena?

Irundhal Avalai Thannanthaniye

Eriyum Neruppil Viduvena?"

"எலும்புக்கும் சதைக்கும் மருத்துவம் கண்டேன்

இதற்கொரு மருந்தைக் கண்டேனா?

இருந்தால் அவளைத் தன்னந்தனியே

எரியும் நெருப்பில் விடுவேனா?"

Meaning  - I have found medicines to cure ailments affecting the bones and skin, but couldn’t find a medicine to prevent death.  If I had achieved it,  how could I  ever leave you burning all alone in the funeral pyre ?

And the following hymn of Pattinathar also echoed in my ears -

"Munnai Itta Thee Muppuraththile

Pinnai Itta Thee Then Ilangaiyile

Annai Itta Thee Adi Vayitrile

Yanum Itta Thee Mulga Mulgave"

"முன்னையிட்ட தீ முப்புறத்திலே

பின்னையிட்ட தீ தென் இலங்கையிலே

அன்னையிட்ட தீ அடிவயிற்றிலே

யானுமிட்ட தீ மூள்க மூள்கவே"

Meaning – The fire which emanated in the front from Lord Shiva’s Third Eye charred the Thirupura Asura Country, The fire that was lit in the back of Hanuman’s tail burnt Lanka,  The Fire that the mother holds is in the womb, and let the fire lit by me grow and grow so as to char my mother’s mortal remains.

Love you and Good Bye Dear Amma - Rest in Peace

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* Chidambaram and Madurai Households*

It   is   said   that   the   first   bondage   of    society   is   marriage.  This   has  been  said and  stood  the  test  of  time.  A  happy   fusion  of  body   ( temporarily )  and    mind ( permanently )  goes  to  make a marriage successful. Mutual understanding,     display of  love  and  affection,  expression of  care and  concern,    between  man  and  wife  are  the  hallmarks  of   a   happy   matrimonial  relationship.  This  is  nothing  new,  but   has  been  in  vogue  from  time  immemorial,   spanning   from   the   days  of   the  great  epics.  Our  Puranas  are  replete  with  innumerable  stories   emphasizing   the   importance   of   conjugal   bliss,  so   as   to  lead   a   meaningful  and   constructive   life.

The  fact  that  Lord  Rama  is  still  considered,  revered  indeed,   as   the  most   perfect  Mr. Clean,  by  millions  of  Hindus  lends  credence  to  all  the  characteristics  that  an  ideal  man  should   possess,  stand   for  and   uphold   in   his  life. That  the  Almighty   Himself    took  birth  as  the  Prince  of  Ayodhya  for  inculcating   the   values  and   virtues   which  humans,  more  particularly   the  masculine  class,  should  possess  and  pursue, is  really  awe inspiring.   As  a  Divine  Avatar, it  was  possible   for  Lord  Rama  to  lead  a  clean  and  virtuous  life.  Ordinary   mortals   should   try   their   best   to  practice   as  many   tenets  as   possible  that   the  Lord   possessed,  as  it  would   be  next   to   impossible  to   espouse  Him  in  entirety,   given  the   modern   world    in  which  we  live  and   the  travesties  that  it  unfolds.  Equally Sita Devi is eulogized  for  her  noble  character,  patient attitude, unswerving love and affection showered on her husband and family et al, which are looked high upon by the society  in  general  and  womenfolk  in  particular, to this day.  Ram and  Sita  were  and  are  still the most revered  divine,  epic couple.

It   is  enshrined   in  Bharatiya   way    of    life,   that    the   Pathni  /   Sahadharmini   ( wife )  should  obey  her  Pathi ( husband ),  in  word,   spirit   and  conduct,  take  care  of   him   and   their  children,   thereby  upholding   the   greatness   of         womanhood ( Naarimani ).  This   has   been   the   dictum   and   has  also  been  followed  from  epic times.  It   holds  good   even  now,  in   a   vast   majority   of   Indian  households,  but   for   a   selective   few    ones,   where   the   situation   is    topsy-turvy   and   works   the   other   way   round. 

It   is  generally  said  that  in   all   those   households   where   the   masculine   voice  holds  sway,  there  would   be  peace and  tranquility. If   the  situation  is  not  so,  then the principle of   manhood,  and  all   other   features  attached   to  it  gets lost,   as  brevity   becomes  a  casualty  and  meets  its  waterloo.  A  disquieting  development  is  that  this  trend  is   prevalent   in   some   families  today,  with   the  hapless   husbands’  suffering  from  the  indignities  harped  on   them   by   their  dominant   life   partners’.

On  reading  the  above  paragraph  readers  should  not  come  to  a  hasty  conclusion that  these  are   the  utterances   of   a   male   chauvinist,  who  stands  for  subjugating women.  Definitely   not  so.   I   am   a   strong  exponent  for  the   provision  of  equality  to  women  in  all  spheres   of  life   in  the  modern  world, subject to the parameters concerning behavior and  conduct  that  nature  has stipulated  on  them   under  Bharatiya  Samskaram.   Leaving   behind   and   throwing  away  superstitious  beliefs  and   practices  that  have   permeated   into   the   Indian  system   and   way   of   living,  there  are   certain  mandatory,  golden  rules   which  have  to   be   preserved   and    put   into  practice. They   cannot  be  erased  or  rejected,   as   they   do   have   an   everlasting   validity   and   warranty.

In  the  Tamil  Country,  it  is  commonly  said   that  in   all    those  families  where  men  have  a determining say  in  family  matters,  it  is  normally  referred  to  as          a  “ Chidambaram “ household,  more  so  named  and  called  after  the  presiding  deity of  the holy shrine at Chidambaram – Lord  Nataraja,  who  symbolizes  manhood  and holds  sway  over  his  consort  Goddess  Sivakami.  I  perceive  that  this  is   the  picture  in  a  majority  of  houses,  even  today. 

Contrarily  in  those  families where  the  above  scenario gets  reversed,  whereby  the feminine force subjugates and dominates their men counterpart, it  is  called  a               “ Madurai “ household,  more  so  because  of  the domineering  force and  power exercised  by  the  presiding  deity  of  Madurai  city –  Goddess  Meenakshi.

How  and  when  did  this classification of  Tamil Households into  the Chidambaram and  Madurai  pattern  got  evolved,  I  am  not, rather  nobody  is  sure  about.  But  this  has  been  in  vogue  for  millenniums.  Who  coined  this  term  is  also not known clearly.  This  has been doing the rounds for centuries in the Tamil country, and  whether  this  would  have  seen  birth  without  substance  and evidence is  another  thing  to  be  pondered. Personally  I  do  not  perceive  this  to   be   a  slip  of  the tongue  utterance  or  a jovial  pun  thrown  at   people  and  their  household  behavioral  pattern. It  should definitely  have  some  reasoning  behind  it.  As  the  saying  “ There  is   no  smoke  without   fire  “ holds   meaning,  both  in  substance  and  logic,  the  Chidambaram  and  Madurai  pattern  of  household   control,   also  holds  some   weight.

On  a  personal  perspective,  the  above  classification  ( narrating  the   supremacy   of  men   and  women   respectively  at  home )  does   not  seem    to   be   an   exaggerated  or  hypothetical   statement,  as   I  have  personally   seen   this  element  of  subjugation  on  some  friends  and  associates, who  are  dominated  by  their  husbands’ and   wives’.  It  is  a   pity   to  see  them   digest  and   tolerate  ignominies   thrown  on  them  by   their  life   partners’.  I  have  stopped   visiting   them,  just  to  save  embarrassment.     

 I   close   thus -   “  Men   to   be   called   so   must   be  adaptable and  brave.   If tormenting   their   wives’  is  loathsome and shameful,  then fearing  them  is   unmanly and inglorious.    Women   to   be  called   so  must   be  accomodative  and  suave,  they  should  neither  fear  for  nor  dominate  their  husbands “ .  Only   an  optimistic  combination  and  a  balanced   mix  of  control,  affection  and   understanding,  symbolizing  the  characteristics  of   both    patterns,   between       the  “ Bharya “  and  “ Bhartha “   would   go  to  make  an     ideal    family.                                                                                                                                                                                                 ========

(* written after observing the plight of some henpecked heroes and tormented dames )

Nature’s Fury and Jury

The deluge that engulfed Chennai city, its suburbs and other coastal towns of Tamil Nadu  has never been seen before. That the great Metro was brought to its knees and made to cower, goes to prove in clear, explicit terms that men, machine and materials are all immaterial before the power of nature. Nothing can stand against such a tumultuous force and anything and everything that comes its way would be swept away. As far as the eye could see, there is nothing other than sheets of water to be seen. The historical city got historical rain which unfolded untold misery.

Almost all suburban areas of Chennai city went under knee deep water with entire colonies getting submerged, throwing normal life out of gear to shreds. Road, Rail and Air connectivity to Chennai city went haywire. The loss of valuables is invaluable. The remedial measures initiated by the Government machinery, assisted by social service organizations, charitable associations succeeded in rescuing marooned people from their drenched, submerged habitats but the bitter, horrid memories will linger in peoples’ mind, and haunt them for a long time to come.

The saying “ Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink “ came verbatim true for thousands and thousands of desperate people. The intensity of the tragedy attained gargantuan levels with the media visuals getting aired. For over a century, a calamity of this magnitude was neither expected nor experienced by Chennai city and its inhabitants. Nonetheless to say, it will take considerable time and energy to resuscitate the ravaged city and its beleaguered residents.

  

Seeing their residential units submerged in swollen waters, the unfortunate owners will definitely have a second thought about continuing living there, even after the water receding. What is the guarantee  that  the horrendous experience will  not  get  repeated  next year ?

The floods exposed the rapaciousness of the realtors, builders in converting water bodies into layouts and promoting dwelling units on lakebeds with sheer impunity of law and scant respect for nature. This Himalayan tragedy  is  attributed  to  the  connivance, nexus  between the realtors and the Government Authorities, for promoting and approving the construction of houses on encroached lakes and dried water bodies. It should be remembered that mother  nature  has  the  means  to  provide for everyone’s need, but  it  cannot  satisfy  a  single  man’s  greed.

What has been done, cannot be undone. The Government should rise up to the occasion in alleviating the sufferings of the affected people. More importantly, there should be stringent regulations while granting approval for construction of residential and commercial units. The hand of law should come down heavily on the violating realtors and the conniving officials, who flout all rules and prosper at the expense of the hapless investors. It is time to swirl the whip, so as to bring the offenders to submit and fall in line. Lest this tragic episode will get enacted over and over again.

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