Marriage musings
Marriage is
a wonderful phenomenon,
an excellent bondage
filled with eternal and elderly
blessings, laced with happiness and harmony, in the life of every human
being. It was evolved from time immemorial as a longstanding, lifetime
relationship though in
the fast, modern world some of
them suffer an early expiry date. It would be a marathon, if the parties to it
have mutual love, affection and understanding. If not it may just resemble a 20
– 20 cricket match, having patches of excitement here and there and ending all
of a sudden, in a jiffy. To the successful it is a gift, for the not so
fortunate, it will be rift and swift. .
Hindu
marriages are principally different from Muslim and Christian marriages in that
it is considered not only as a contract, but also a sacrament.. Given the
innumerable castes that the Hindu religion encompasses, the rituals associated
with marriages differ from caste to caste, group to group, region to region, so
on and so forth. But for a slight semblance of uniformity in ritualistic
patterns, they vary altogether, with each group having their own shades of
belief and adherence. Contrarily Muslim and Christian marriages are conducted
on a more so uniform manner all over the world, with slight local adaptation,
here and there, that too influenced by the culture of the country where they
live and got assimilated to.
The
duration of the marriage also varies among different sections of Indian
society. Some are short -. Malayalee marriages are sterling examples. Totally
devoid of intricate rituals, they will be over, as soon as they begin. No
officiating priests’, no vedic hype, no elaborate ceremonies and lavish
spending, et al. The function will be conducted under the tutelage and guidance
of the elders of the bridal families. Simplicity will be an indelible factor in
their marriages, as pomp and grandiose
spending are not embedded in their behavioral (DNA) pattern. As a matter of fact, frugal living runs in
their veins and lavishness is looked down scornfully in a vast majority of the
Mallu households. One can witness this glaring testimony of simplicity in
almost all walks and strata of Keralites – extending even to the politicians
and the filmy superstars. Not much of
flashy dances, extravagant sets, to mention few parameters synonymous to that
glitzy industry.
Some
marriages are long – Frankly speaking I really wonder as to why Brahmin
marriages should be so drawn out and wearing, spread over two days? Apart from
the time factor, the cost factor involved has taken gargantuan proportions in
the present day – what with the food bill itself running to a hefty six figure,
good enough to drain the bridal parents’ of their earnings and savings. It
burns a hole in their pockets ( literally ),
with the contractor, the venue managers and the officiating pundits
pocketing the bounty, the first mentioned taking a lion’s share with him, for
arranging the labyrinth procedures associated with a Tam Brahm marriage. Given
the spiraling rate of inflation that plagues India
When
accosted with this question my father informed me that the present day
marriages are very much shortened when
compared to their times. I was flabbergasted to hear from my parents that their
marriage was a five day affair. The
ultimate aim of matrimony is to declare a man and woman as husband and wife and
bring two hearts together. The end result being so plain and defined, why
should the course of action leading to its accomplishment be so complex
and circuitous? Anyone would become a
pauper if such an elaborate process had continued till this day. Thank God, it
petered out decades back.
I
was a personal witness to a friend’s marriage, who is a Nair. On entering the
hall, I exchanged pleasantries with friends, settled in a comfortable seat, and
fixed my eyes to the stage to witness the marriage rituals. Believe it or not,
in about 20 minutes the marriage was over, with the groom tying the mangalsutra
on the bride and taking her as his wife, after which the guests were invited for
lunch. Truly Picture Perfect. Being a Tamil Brahmin this took me by
surprise, as we are accustomed to
marathon marriages and not willing to have anything other than an elaborate, extended
show, at the end of which both the guests’
and the newly weds get tired and worn out . I trooped out of the marriage hall,
totally awe struck by this super fast marriage. No doubt, with such explicit
and candid display of austerity, it is not surprising to witness hundreds of
marriages getting solemnized at Guruvayur temple, on auspicious days.
Left
to myself, I find it very difficult to sit through a Brahmin marriage. ( That I
had to undergo the exhaustive ritualistic drill on a personal note in my
marriage, makes me speak out with doubled vigour ). There is an overdose of rituals
– some of them have lost their meaning and purpose now. They had a stamp of relevancy in the olden
times, but on a deeper analysis have no importance whatsoever, as of today. Jaanavaasam,
Nalangu, Kattusadham to name a few. It is nothing but monotonous following of
foregone practices, not attuned and cohesive to the current period. Is it prudent to follow something Utopian
today.? Gen Next should deliberate upon and introspect this aspect in detail
and depth. When will someone take the initiative towards ushering in the
revolutionary step of celebrating a
concise wedding?. How long will it take to realise this? Fin-de-siecle – at
least. It is high time to bid adieu to
the serpentine wedding rituals, and retain only those relevant portions. Hope saner thinking would prevail in the
future years on the brides’ and grooms’ to be, as they should take the lead in
this direction. Positive signs are emerging from a tiny fraction. Though
nascent, this optimistic trend should gain ground and grow in strength.
One
has to remember that Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Swamigal, the Kanchi
Paramacharya, revered by millions of people, was a strong exponent of
conducting marriages in a simple manner, and had written, spoken about it in
his articles and sermons. Mere adherence to his advice would definitely go to
foster winds of change.
On
a personal note, I am a strong
votary to usher and practice this on my wards’, if blessed with an opportunity
to arrange their matrimony with an equally simple, affable family, bereft of
dogmatic approach. Can be sure of one thing, I will not be ostracized and
castigated if such a step is tried and embarked upon now. Do not know what is in store? Nambikkaiye Vaazhkai
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