marriage musings

Marriage musings

Marriage  is  a  wonderful  phenomenon,  an  excellent  bondage  filled with eternal and elderly  blessings, laced with happiness and harmony, in the life of every human being. It was evolved from time immemorial as a longstanding, lifetime relationship   though  in  the  fast, modern world some of them suffer an early expiry date. It would be a marathon, if the parties to it have mutual love, affection and understanding. If not it may just resemble a 20 – 20 cricket match, having patches of excitement here and there and ending all of a sudden, in a jiffy. To the successful it is a gift, for the not so fortunate,  it will be rift and swift.  .

Hindu marriages are principally different from Muslim and Christian marriages in that it is considered not only as a contract, but also a sacrament.. Given the innumerable castes that the Hindu religion encompasses, the rituals associated with marriages differ from caste to caste, group to group, region to region, so on and so forth. But for a slight semblance of uniformity in ritualistic patterns, they vary altogether, with each group having their own shades of belief and adherence. Contrarily Muslim and Christian marriages are conducted on a more so uniform manner all over the world, with slight local adaptation, here and there, that too influenced by the culture of the country where they live and got assimilated to.

The duration of the marriage also varies among different sections of Indian society. Some are short -. Malayalee marriages are sterling examples. Totally devoid of intricate rituals, they will be over, as soon as they begin. No officiating priests’, no vedic hype, no elaborate ceremonies and lavish spending, et al. The function will be conducted under the tutelage and guidance of the elders of the bridal families. Simplicity will be an indelible factor in their marriages,  as pomp and grandiose spending are not embedded in their behavioral (DNA) pattern.  As a matter of fact, frugal living runs in their veins and lavishness is looked down scornfully in a vast majority of the Mallu households. One can witness this glaring testimony of simplicity in almost all walks and strata of Keralites – extending even to the politicians and the filmy superstars.  Not much of flashy dances, extravagant sets, to mention few parameters synonymous to that glitzy industry.

Some marriages are long – Frankly speaking I really wonder as to why Brahmin marriages should be so drawn out and wearing, spread over two days? Apart from the time factor, the cost factor involved has taken gargantuan proportions in the present day – what with the food bill itself running to a hefty six figure, good enough to drain the bridal parents’ of their earnings and savings. It burns a hole in their pockets ( literally ),  with the contractor, the venue managers and the officiating pundits pocketing the bounty, the first mentioned taking a lion’s share with him, for arranging the labyrinth procedures associated with a Tam Brahm marriage. Given the spiraling rate of inflation that plagues India on a perennial basis, the amount spent on food alone has reached Himalayan heights. We have no regrets in sitting idle for hours together at the marriage hall, indulge in chatting and gossiping,  and gobbling up the delicacies served, spread over 7 to 8 courses, after the end of every ritualistic event.  More than watching the festivities, idle tattle  will  prevail  among  the invitees, wherein every topic under the sun ( auspicious or otherwise ) would be dissected at will.  Nonetheless to say that they are occasions of joyful pandemonium of near and dear ones, from far and near, going rapturous with joy and affection. The piquant aspect is only on the lengthy process involved in conducting the happy function.

When accosted with this question my father informed me that the present day marriages are very much shortened  when compared to their times. I was flabbergasted to hear from my parents that their marriage was a five day affair.  The ultimate aim of matrimony is to declare a man and woman as husband and wife and bring two hearts together. The end result being so plain and defined, why should the course of action leading to its accomplishment be so complex and  circuitous? Anyone would become a pauper if such an elaborate process had continued till this day. Thank God, it petered out decades back.  

I was a personal witness to a friend’s marriage, who is a Nair. On entering the hall, I exchanged pleasantries with friends, settled in a comfortable seat, and fixed my eyes to the stage to witness the marriage rituals. Believe it or not, in about 20 minutes the marriage was over, with the groom tying the mangalsutra on the bride and taking her as his wife, after which the guests were invited for lunch. Truly Picture Perfect. Being a Tamil Brahmin this took me by surprise,  as we are accustomed to marathon marriages and not willing to have anything other than an elaborate, extended show, at the end of which  both the guests’ and the newly weds get tired and worn out . I trooped out of the marriage hall, totally awe struck by this super fast marriage. No doubt, with such explicit and candid display of austerity, it is not surprising to witness hundreds of marriages getting solemnized at Guruvayur temple, on auspicious days.

Left to myself, I find it very difficult to sit through a Brahmin marriage. ( That I had to undergo the exhaustive ritualistic drill on a personal note in my marriage, makes me speak out with doubled vigour ). There is an overdose of rituals – some of them have lost their meaning and purpose now.  They had a stamp of relevancy in the olden times, but on a deeper analysis have no importance whatsoever, as of today. Jaanavaasam, Nalangu, Kattusadham to name a few. It is nothing but monotonous following of foregone practices, not attuned and cohesive to the current period.  Is it prudent to follow something Utopian today.? Gen Next should deliberate upon and introspect this aspect in detail and depth. When will someone take the initiative towards ushering in the revolutionary step of  celebrating a concise wedding?. How long will it take to realise this? Fin-de-siecle – at least.  It is high time to bid adieu to the serpentine wedding rituals, and retain only those relevant portions.  Hope saner thinking would prevail in the future years on the brides’ and grooms’ to be, as they should take the lead in this direction. Positive signs are emerging from a tiny fraction. Though nascent, this optimistic trend should gain ground and grow in strength.

One has to remember that Sri Chandrasekarendra Saraswathi Swamigal, the Kanchi Paramacharya, revered by millions of people, was a strong exponent of conducting marriages in a simple manner, and had written, spoken about it in his articles and sermons. Mere adherence to his advice would definitely go to foster winds of change.

On a personal note, I am a strong votary to usher and practice this on my wards’, if blessed with an opportunity to arrange their matrimony with an equally simple, affable family, bereft of dogmatic approach. Can be sure of one thing, I will not be ostracized and castigated if such a step is tried and embarked upon now.  Do not know what is in store?  Nambikkaiye  Vaazhkai

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Swagatham

Venerated Vastu

India is no doubt a land of rich heritage – be it cultural, spiritual, literary, musical, architecture, traditional, religious, and what not as the list is quite long and serpentine. It has drawn visitors from around the globe from time immemorial, who have arrived at various phases of time, interacted with the local populace, got overawed by its values and virtues, contained in men and material worth, and have dutifully recorded their experience in ever so many elaborate treatises. India has given many inventions to the world right from the medieval times. Bharata Varsha has carved a niche for itself as a pioneer in arts, crafts and dance.

Vastu or Vasthu – in whichever way it is spelt / pronounced, has come to occupy an important role among Indians ( more particularly Hindus, as I am not aware about its impact and interpretation by the Muslims, Christians and adherents of other religious denominations ). Whether it is an art or science, I am not sure, but being referred to as “ Vastu sastra “, it is perceived to be more of science than an art. Whatever classification it may be tagged with, it has come to be a part of our daily lives and has spread its tentacles like the cancerous crab or the deep sea octopus, just over a decade for now. It’s influence was hardly felt and known among Indians who have completed more than three scores of age, as in olden days all the nuances associated and connected with construction ( be it for housing or commercial usage ) was linked and lineated to “ Manayadi Sastram “ – the more and pure Desi ( Indianised ) version of the present day Vastu.

Personally on a reminiscence of my childhood and youth, I have not witnessed anybody attaching so much importance and providing weight to adhering to the permutations and combinations that Vastu stipulates ( or said to stipulate ) towards building construction. All that mattered was the financial factor of the person embarking on the construction, the other aspects were either secondary or sidelined. There were only two measurers involved – the time and the cost factor, and emphasis was laid that there should not be an overrun on either of the two, lest it may burn a hole in the unfortunate person’s purse and leave him / her in a financial mess. Those were the days when the services of the banking sector was limited, and the housing loan disbursements had not taken off in a big way. It is nothing but a jamboree now, with bankers vying with each other to attract the maximum customers, who are driven by the dream of possessing an own house. Things have come to such a pass that there is a beeline of banking staff marking their attendance and tenting at the construction site itself, exhibiting and extolling their marketing skills to the prospective buyers, right from the day when bhoomi puja is performed. Service at your doorstep – is the present marketing biblical saying. Satisfaction of the financial criteria prescribed by the bankers’ would pave way for the disbursement of housing loan, and the entire exercise has been made short work of now.

My parental house had undergone repair at many stages, to which I was a witness to. Never ever once had I seen my father solicit the opinion or seek the services of a Vastu consultant / specialist or by whatever name their profession is christened. Every such step was taken solely on satisfaction of two M aspects – the Money and Material adequacy. They alone mattered and nothing otherwise was given a thought of. We all grew up well and loaded ourselves with academic qualifications, amidst a happy and peaceful ambience, under the guidance of elders, relatives and well wishers.

The picture presents a much finer and interesting scene now. Vastu consultation has evolved as a major business activity with its practitioners very much on demand by the affluent and die hard believers and followers. Anything they spell out is listened to, not only in silence but also with submission, and the remedial prescription spelt out by the Vastu pandits are carried out in all earnest with eagerness and enthusiasm, with the steadfast belief that the structural alterations made under the aegis of the Vastu exponent, would bring success and good luck, encompassing both their personal and professional lives. The followers pledge their allegiance to the experts and earnestly believe that they are possessed of clairvoyant powers, fuelled by a divine disposition. There has indeed been a paradigm change in the mindset of the common man towards beliefs which have been doing the rounds for ever so many centuries among mankind. The earlier “Manaiyadi Sastram” had a mild, mellowed but mellifluous influence, as compared to the modern, hi-tech, flamboyant projection of its modern avatar – Vastu.

Next to doctors, lawyers and astrologers, it is commonly seen that people who are facing dire straits on any front – be it on family, business, health and etcetera, .make a beeline to the offices of Vastu experts, banking on the belief that their remedial oral prescriptions, if dutifully and devotionally carried out on the walls and rooms of their dwelling, official places, would indeed work wonders and pack up their troubles, making a smooth rollercoaster of their lives. While the former professional treats and cures the bodily ills, the latter category prods the human mind, studies the horoscope and the planetary effects and offers suggestions to people to wriggle out of the mental and psychological trauma being faced by them in this material world. They are spread all over the length and breadth of India and also in many Oriental nations. On a personal note, I have vividly seen people spending sumptuous amounts in carrying out repairs and alterations as suggested by the Vastu exponents, apart from showering them with gifts and fatty fees. I cannot vouch as to whether there has been a happy tiding in the lives of those who have adhered and adopted Vastu alterations at their premises, but it is certain that the lifestyle of Vastu consultants has turned flamboyant and flashy. Television and media carry their name and fame to even hitherto unexplored corners of the world. They are given tremendous exposure in all Indian languages, as they have a pan-Indian presence.

Added to the Desi ( native ) version of Vastu, the latest attraction is the advent of its Videshi ( foreign ) counterpart, which has intruded into India from China. It goes by the name – “ Fengshui “. Enter a fengshui shop, and one will find a miniature zoo, what with lizards, frogs, monkeys, dragons, snakes and other related creeping, jumping, barking, howling creatures, hanging from the roof and lounging on the showcases, staring menacingly at the visitors, driving a sense of uneasiness, if not fear, on them. The structure and principle of fengshui has Chinese leanings, which has in course of time, permeated to the nook and corner of India like the Chinese consumer goods, thereby posing a challenge to its Indian adversary. That there is a huge fan following for this foreign vastu art / science, is vindicated by the proliferation of fengshui shops in all major Indian cities. So much so that it has even stealthily entered my own apartment in the garb of a small vastu mirror nailed at the entrance and a tiny frog silently perched near the sofa in the hall, ( bought by my wife from a nearby antique store ) goes to speak about its reach. Personally speaking, I do not believe in Vastu / Fengshui, and its effects on human life, ( not to speak of ever so many other things, beliefs and practices ) but as prudence would have it, I do not place impediments to my wife’s subscription and personal affiliation, allegiance to anything attached to sentiments. The same reasoning and stand is extended to everybody else, and is not restricted to my life partner alone, which has come handy and veered me away from trouble. Even if done so in great decibels and volumes it would not have any effect and hence I keep my beliefs to myself and do not extend its implication and reach on others. It is neither my intention to open a Pandora’s box nor stir the hornet’s nest on this debatable topic. Anyhow it takes all sorts to make the world, as society is made up of different kinds of people with widely ranging opinions, attitudes, beliefs and habits.

The importance given to Vastu by people who book an apartment / individual house with a property developer, is to be seen to be believed. Not taking a chance, the promoters make it a point to advertise in bold, legible characters that all their dwelling units are planned and designed strictly as per Vastu tenets. It is made open in their advertisements, media publications, visual video presentations, along with the amenities of the project. People in this part of South India have a fancy for selecting a house which has an East / North facing entrance, which is considered very auspicious and would bring good tidings in the lives of its occupants. Such a preference is not meted out to units which have a South / West facing entrance. Poor thing. The actual reason is not known to me, but on an inquisitive probe came to know that the direction of South is somewhat linked and associated with Yama – the God of Death in Hindu mythology. Orthodox Hindus normally tend to look down upon a South facing house, ( but for some exceptional group among them, who do not fret about it much, as I do not call them rational people, but reasonable people ). If fear of death is the main reason behind shirking away from selecting a south facing house, a simple question to all those fervent votaries for North and East facing houses – will you go on to live on this earth infinitely, without getting your eternal call, when your time runs out? Even Raja Parikshit could not escape from the clutches of destiny and had to meekly submit when his turn and beckoning call came. Did not Ovid say – “ Exitus Acta Probat “. Just to add credence to the saying that one should practice what one preaches – Ladies and Gentlemen – I purchased a South facing house and am living in it happily. The only aspect to which importance was cast was whether the unit selected had adequate air circulation and ventilation, and nothing otherwise mattered to me.

Of late, the shackles of orthodoxy has also added poor West to its hit list, which also stands castigated by the votaries to this belief. If the world, its countries, its innumerable cities, towns and villages are spread and scattered on all the four directions, believed to be created by the Omnipotent and Omnipresent force, then can any one direction be looked down with scorn and disdain. Leverage given to the above belief only seems to grow stronger and darker with the passage of time, and it would only take simple, balanced thinking to defy and get over this hangover and emerge in clear senses. I have been a personal witness to umpteen number of people shying away from selecting houses and apartments having their main entrance on the South and West directions, even considering it as a taboo to buy and live in such an unit. Appears plainly oafish, on a personal note.

Another disturbing practice is that an orthodox, practicing Hindu would never purchase a “ Theru Kuthu “ property – meaning a property whose main entrance touches, faces a straight road ahead. It is a taboo for most of the South Indian Hindus to settle for such a “ defective “ property. Sort of “ Sine qua non “. Vastu, being a soothing science, has a solution for this lacuna too. The panacea is that the ill effects attached to such a property would vanish and fade away if a small Ganesha idol is placed / pasted at the main entrance, and on doing so, the Lord will take care of the negative aspects attached to such a residential / business house, and steer all negative tenets associated with the property far away from the occupants, bring them good luck and eventually make them happy. What a comfortable and co(ea)sy way of tiding over a problem. “ coup de maitre. “. I am not sure as to who propounded this remedial measure in the first place, but it has got embedded firmly in the minds of people who purchase a kuthu property, that all they have to do is to put Lord Ganesha on the “ front “, and be rest assured that he will take care of the “ side effects “. Truly “ Demarche “. The idea that business establishments situated on “theru kuthu” would not prosper has been squarely ignored and broken by many popular business houses in all major cities, whose outlets stand towering and lie clearly on “ Theru Kuthu “.

.To summarize, it is my perception that what is destined to happen in life, will definitely get unfolded and enacted in the way it should be at the appointed time - whenever, wherever and howsoever you live. None can be an exception to this rule of generality. We can neither escape the tryst of time and what it holds for us as reward, nor go scot-free from the dictates of destiny. That is for sure. None will be exempted from its dispensation or can escape from its dictates – neither the Divine nor the Downtrodden, the Prince nor the Pauper.

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