It
is said that the first bondage
of society
is marriage.
This has been
said and stood the
test of time. A
happy fusion
of body ( temporarily ) and
mind ( permanently ) goes to make
a marriage successful. Mutual understanding, display of love and
affection, expression of
care and concern, between man and
wife are the
hallmarks of a happy matrimonial
relationship. This is
nothing new, but
has
been in vogue
from time immemorial,
spanning from the days of the great
epics. Our Puranas are replete
with innumerable stories emphasizing the importance
of
conjugal
bliss,
so as to lead a meaningful and constructive life.
The
fact that Lord
Rama is still
considered, revered indeed,
as the most
perfect Mr. Clean, by millions
of Hindus lends
credence to all the characteristics
that an ideal
man should possess, stand for and
uphold
in
his
life. That the Almighty
Himself
took
birth as the Prince of
Ayodhya for inculcating
the
values
and virtues
which
humans, more particularly
the masculine class, should
possess and pursue,
is really awe inspiring. As a Divine
Avatar, it was possible
for
Lord Rama to
lead a clean
and virtuous life. Ordinary
mortals
should
try
their
best
to
practice as many tenets as
possible
that the Lord possessed, as it would be next
to
impossible
to espouse
Him in entirety,
given
the modern world in which we
live and the
travesties that it
unfolds.
Equally Sita Devi is eulogized for
her noble character, patient attitude, unswerving love and
affection showered on her husband and family et al, which are looked high upon
by the society in general and womenfolk
in particular, to this day. Ram and Sita were
and are still
the most revered divine, epic couple.
It
is
enshrined in Bharatiya way of life, that the Pathni / Sahadharmini
( wife ) should obey
her Pathi ( husband ), in word,
spirit
and
conduct, take care
of him and their children, thereby
upholding the greatness of womanhood
( Naarimani ). This has been the dictum and has also
been followed from epic
times. It holds good even now,
in a vast majority
of
Indian
households, but for a selective few ones, where the situation is topsy-turvy and works the other way round.
It
is
generally said that in
all those households
where
the
masculine
voice
holds sway, there
would be peace and tranquility. If the situation
is not so, then the principle of manhood,
and all other features attached to it gets
lost, as brevity
becomes
a casualty and meets
its waterloo.
A disquieting development is that
this trend is
prevalent
in
some
families
today, with the hapless
husbands’ suffering from the
indignities harped on
them
by
their
dominant life partners’.
On
reading the above
paragraph readers should not
come to a hasty conclusion
that these are the utterances
of
a
male
chauvinist,
who stands for
subjugating women. Definitely not so. I am a strong exponent
for the provision of equality
to women in
all spheres of life in the modern world,
subject to the parameters concerning behavior and conduct that nature
has stipulated on them
under
Bharatiya Samskaram. Leaving
behind
and
throwing
away superstitious beliefs and practices that have
permeated
into
the
Indian
system
and way of living,
there are certain
mandatory, golden rules which have to
be
preserved
and
put into practice. They cannot be erased
or rejected, as they do have an everlasting validity and warranty.
In
the Tamil Country,
it is commonly
said that in all those families where men
have a determining say in family matters, it is normally referred to as a “ Chidambaram “ household, more so
named and called
after the presiding
deity of the holy shrine at Chidambaram – Lord Nataraja, who symbolizes
manhood and holds sway over
his consort Goddess Sivakami.
I perceive that this
is the picture in a majority of houses,
even today.
Contrarily in those
families where the above scenario
gets reversed, whereby the feminine force subjugates and dominates
their men counterpart, it is called a
“ Madurai “ household, more so
because of the
domineering force and power exercised by the presiding deity of
Madurai city – Goddess
Meenakshi.
How
and when did this
classification of Tamil Households into the Chidambaram and Madurai pattern got evolved,
I am not,
rather nobody is sure
about. But this
has been in
vogue for millenniums.
Who coined this
term is also
not known clearly. This has been doing the rounds for centuries in the
Tamil country, and whether this would
have seen birth
without substance and evidence is another thing to
be pondered. Personally I do not perceive
this to be a slip of the tongue
utterance or a
jovial pun thrown at
people
and their household
behavioral pattern. It should definitely have some
reasoning behind it.
As the saying
“ There is no smoke
without fire “
holds meaning, both in
substance and logic, the Chidambaram
and Madurai pattern of household
control,
also
holds some weight.
On
a personal perspective, the above
classification ( narrating the supremacy of men and women
respectively
at home ) does
not
seem to be an exaggerated or hypothetical
statement,
as I have personally seen this element
of subjugation
on some friends and associates,
who are dominated by their
husbands’ and wives’.
It is a pity to see them digest and
tolerate
ignominies thrown on them
by their life partners’. I have stopped visiting
them,
just to save
embarrassment.
I close
thus - “ Men to be called so must be adaptable and brave. If tormenting their wives’ is loathsome
and shameful, then fearing them is
unmanly
and inglorious. Women to be called
so
must be accomodative and suave,
they should neither
fear for nor
dominate their husbands
“ . Only an optimistic
combination and a balanced
mix
of control,
affection and understanding, symbolizing the characteristics
of
both patterns,
between
the “ Bharya “ and “
Bhartha “ would go to make an
ideal family. ========
(*
written after observing the plight of some henpecked heroes and tormented dames
)
